Wow, I can't believe I found a "fresh" River post after all of these years!! Amazing and so timely. I have been in love with River since I was 11, after seeing him in Stand By Me like everyone else. He has been the love of my life, no other way to put it. Anyone who knows me, knows River (whether they like it or not, ha ha). He was everything to me as a pre-teen and teen, and his death crushed me at age 17. I couldn't believe that I would never get to meet him finally. I was always just a little too young and I never got the chance to catch up to him.

Weird now that I have totally surpassed him in age...
The picture from the Viper Room has straight up put a chill through my body. I saw the slumped image right away, but when other people mentioned it, too, I lost it. So amazing and scary. I went to the Viper Room when I lived in L.A. last year, but nothing freaky happened to me. IT was surreal being there, though.
My River obsession goes in waves. He is always on my mind, but I really only pop in a movie and cry about once every six months or so. I have been married for 8 years and have a full life - River pulled me through SO MANY hard times growing up, but I am now a well-adjusted adult and can handle his death. Or so I thought.
I have NO IDEA what is going on with me lately, but I almost feel possessed. I am a total death hag (even wrote an article about Old Hollywood, interviewed Scott Michaels and mentioned this site for TAPS Paramagazine a few months ago) and have always felt a connection to the spirt world and the other, darker side. But what I am feeling now with River is really freaking me out.
My husband and I moved to Central Florida a month ago, and I now live about an hour from Gainesville, where River lived with his family. We have been there a few times, walking around his old haunts. I took a picture and can see River's face in the sky, it looks like a sketch drawing. It is him, as clear as day.
I have been up for hours each night for the past week, searching for all things River on the Internet. I am sad and depressed. I feel weird and out of it, and think of him constantly. A dog ran up to my husband and I the other day, and it was identical to one of RIver's beloved dogs (see his PETA spot on youtube). Knew it the minute I saw it, it looked familiar. The dog was running towards the busy road and we saved it.
I am so sad lately. I don't know what is wrong with me, but River is all I can think about lately. My husband is pissed - he knows I am a lifelong fan but now all I talk about is River. I have dreams about River every night, too. Some realistic, some vague. I am sure this has nothing to do with River, but we had a bad storm here yesterday, and when it was over, we looked out of door and saw our neighbor's welcome mat right in front of our door. It was flipped around so "welcome" faced our direction. We thought it was odd that our neighbor had given us this mat. Today, it was back in front of his door - he didn't give it to us and probably thought we stole it! How it got there we have no idea, but it was perfectly in front of our door. Just one of the freaky things happening lately.
Besides being a death hag, I am a relatively sane person. This is just SO wierd for me - I can't explain how badly I wish River was alive and I feel like he wants to be, too. I almost feel ...haunted. Any thoughts besides I need to go to a mental ward??? I have always had an amazing connection to River, but this is going above and beyond. And that picture just put me over the edge.
