This is my thread so I am taking the 5th.
This is my thread so I am taking the 5th.
No, but I'm often offered TP by my husband after one, 'cuz he's SURE I need it!
You mean Sharted? OMFG I thought this thread would never arrive. YAYYYYYYYYYY. Oh yeah do it all the time.... great for your undies. Better then tide!
Seriously. No..... my old days are to come yet.
Renowned Death Hag
C'mon! We've all done it. Lets not kid ourselves here! When I was in high school I did it during basketball practice and it went down my leg. It was a rainy day and the cheerleaders were practicing in the gym that day as well. Everyone seen it.Wish there was a video cam there.LOL
That's why they make latex gloves.Originally Posted by Sweetsumthin
oh, SURE! it's a part of life folks. you go to sqeeze cheese and you shit yourself. I did it once while my wife was giving me head, and I shit on the sheet. not only have I NOT gotten head since, but I have to sleep in my boxers now to avoid anymore accidents.
I cannot believe you admitted that! I would say you won't be getting that anymore!
Wow Chris..... you have big balls in my book to admitt that. Now I have a bad visual.
i'm an honest guy. what can I say. besides, Jason sits in his undies scratching his balls and sniffing his fingers. isn't that a worse thing to be admitting?
oh, don't be like that.
Uhm, No, at least he's not getting head while doing it, right Jason???i'm an honest guy. what can I say. besides, Jason sits in his undies scratching his balls and sniffing his fingers. isn't that a worse thing to be admitting?
LMAO!
I was drunk and ate Taco Bell earlier in the day.Uhm, No, at least he's not getting head while doing it, right Jason???
LMAO!
I once was going back home and the pain started. We made a planned stop at the pizza shop and I wanted to go, but guess what? OUT OF SERVICE! I couldn't hold it anymore and blew. They made me go all the way home, inside the van, in my knees.
NICE!!!!!!!
Oh, yeah, specially after I arrived home...NICE!!!!!!!
oh, I KNOW that.Oh, yeah, specially after I arrived home...
Guilty! It wasn't that long ago either...good thing I was just getting dressed at the time and had time to change. I'd hate to shart on the go!
Renowned Death Hag
LOL... no Chris you definitely have me beat, Congratsi'm an honest guy. what can I say. besides, Jason sits in his undies scratching his balls and sniffing his fingers. isn't that a worse thing to be admitting?
Nope... if something is there to be sniffed it means I need a shower and my lady will not go near me until I have one.Uhm, No, at least he's not getting head while doing it, right Jason???
LMAO!
To add my story to the bunch... when I was 12 I had this on going issue with wet farts (what we called it back then). I was over my friends house and we rented bat man and before I could even see it I made a wet fart so I ran into the bathroom and freaked out for 2 hours because I didn't have a change of clothes with me. I missed the entire friggen movie thanks to my WET FART... jeeez that memory sucks.
ok, fine. i'll take the crown for being grossest of the gross.
Death Hag Extraordinaire
I was TRYING to lift a 400 lb. quadriplegic out of his aisle seat into the aisle chair so I could get him off the plane into his own wheel chair.Anybody who has lifted a quad knows it aint easy.Anywho I am bent over,my arms under his armpits and all I got to do is clear the armrest and its a done deal.I go to lift and blam,shart cty.My uniform had light tan pants,the plane is almost full,the flight attendent is right behind me.Her yell made sure EVERYONE watches as I wheel this guy up the aisle with my brown on brown britches.I called in sick the next day.
Winnar!
I agree. I will now hand over my crown. but i'm still a "douchebag", right Blair?Winnar!
Last edited by Death Hag Chris; 11-01-2007 at 12:37 PM.
Actually I would still have to call Chris the weiner ooops the WINNER. Having your face that close to someone who sharted has got to be disturbing. I mean Skull had pants on....... you didn't. Skull had to clean his pants and undies. You chris probably had to cleans the sheets, walls and probably flipped the mattress. LOL
HAHAHA!!!! you BELIEVE in me. I love you.
I was in the coin bank a few years ago. Huge room with tons of coin for the slot machines. It was locked up, and I was alone. I could not leave.
I felt the need to go. I had about 5-10 minutes before someone was coming.
There was something on the floor I had to pick up so I bent over.
Liquid shart. I had felt odd, but was still surprised.
A super came, and I took myself to the men's room where my newly browned boxer were discarded.
I am not sure if the super knew.
Renowned Death Hag
Oh my God... I have to share my ex-BIL's story. I swear this is true.
He and his roommate were having a farting contest, and he armed himself by eating pickles, chili and oh, something else that escapes my memory at the moment. He ran up to his room to change into shorts for better sound quality and felt a good one brewing. He stuck his butt over the bannister and blew a fart and shat all over the stairs. I still laugh when I think of him telling this story.
I miss him...
Performing my signature monkey hump move since 10/16/2007...
RIP Dad- 11/14/1947 to 12/16/2013
Holy crap!
Not me, but my hubby for sure! Let's see... at least three times since we've been together! What a shit head!!
more like what a shit PANTS!Holy crap!
Not me, but my hubby for sure! Let's see... at least three times since we've been together! What a shit head!!
Can safely say never, and I've actually never (yet) been in the presence of someone who has. What a boring life I lead!
Roll up some Charmin and stick in your ass crack, it works great!! Don't let that sneaky little shart get the best of you!!! Oh and your undies too!
that would do it!I was drunk and ate Taco Bell earlier in the day.
Well, I guess I'm the minority!!! I have never had this happen to me and I have never, even heard my husband fart..hahahaha, he saves it for the guys at work and we've been together for 20 yrs married for 16 of them & I'm certainly NOT complaining......This topic reminds me of "Mall Rats" Jason Lee "relaxing" as he's getting head from his girlfriend and letting loose as she down there...UGH!!!! gross.....HAHHAHAH
With the blessings and permission from the staff, I would like to suggest a new thread idea. What about a daily thread about our daily lives. Sort of like a diary. The first one up on that day, would be the first to start it. Each day would be titled with the date and maybe day of the week. What do you guys think? It would be a good way to get to know each other, and find out what life is like in your part of the world.
Mine for today says:
Good morning to my state side friends, and also those overseas. I have taken the day off, in order to finish my Christmas shopping. This will be our first Christmas together in 2 years, since my hubby is part of the military family.
Today it is very chilly for a Texas day, but the sun is shinning, so we should warm up soon.
I hope all of you have a good day.
Please stay safe at whatever you do.
Katie
So, What do you think?
Hello everybody, here is mine:
I woke up today at 5:30. I was a little groggy after taking some allergy medicine. I brushed my teeth with some new toothpaste. It was zingier than my normal toothpaste. It took me 43 minutes to drive to work. I am presently sitting in my office.
It is presently 41 degrees, with zero humidity, the sky is generally overcast, wind about 5mph from the east.
In about 15 minutes I'm going to buy some lunch. I'll probably go to the buffett across the street. I'll likely have fish, some fruit, and a bit of greek salad. Normally, I eat with a plastic fork, but when I'm feeling fancy I'll use metal. I usually come back to my office, but sometimes I get crazy and eat in the restaurant.
After that, I shall do about an hour or two of work, then look at this forum. If it looks interesting I might read a bit or post something. Then I will work more.
After work, I am making dinner for my family, as my wife is unable to. I believe I shall prepare chicken. I will add spices and seasonings and cook at 300 degrees for thirty minutes. My family will eat it while we sit at the table, in silence, looking at each other.
Then I will rest. My entry for tomorrow will probably be more exciting. I'm going to do something really outrageous like trying to get to work in 42 minutes, vice 43. That is all.
thank you.
Last edited by Uncle Milte's Huge Wanger; 11-29-2007 at 09:22 AM.
Got up at 4:11 as I hit snooze. 3/4 pot of Folgers coffee black. Ran 40 minutes with dogs and went to gym and worked with my fighter. Showered/shaved and came in with cold windy 11 degree weather with a major snow storm on the way. 8:30 got more coffee and sat in my chair and while doing this take care of clients in between. Also chewed Techs ass for sloppy report on what he did. He is now doing it over. Was asked twice if it was cold enough. No I love freezing my ass of in a hell hole of frozen waste land.
Renowned Death Hag
Katie, I think it's a great idea. Despite what some weisenheimer thinks!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]peek-a-boo!!
got up at 7:20
had the usual fight with my daughter to get out of bed and get your clothes on
she eventually got up and I had to fight her to comb her hair
then I practically have to put a foot in her ass to make her get out of the car at school
I came home and sat my lazy ass in front of the computer and here I am,still
I got up at 8:45 when my husband came in our room and yelled YOU NEED TO GET UP YOU HAVE TO BE TO WORK IN TEN MINUTES!I hollered back YOU LIAR I HAVE 15 MINUTES!So I rolled out of bed and said FUCK I wish it were Friday! Went in the bathroom took a piss and then showered. Got in my car and came to work and here I sit on the FAD Forum not working as I am suppose to be.When I leave here at 6 I shall go pick up my little monsters from their Grandmothers house and take the bugers to the school for a book fair where they will proceed to buy everything but a book and then we will walk over to the gym and watch my oldest brat cheer at the basketball game.When thats over we should be home by about 8:30 at that point the little animals will probally want fed or something like that.So I will make them some wholsome Ramien Noodles, put their butt's in bed and maybe by about 9:30 I can sit down and watch some TV. Oh how I love my life!
I got up at 4:59 am. Came downstairs, got on the 'puter, looked at the news, looked in here, read the Milte debacle and didn't respond to it. Ate some cereal while looking at a toy catelog, feeling a little stressed because I haven't started Christmas shopping yet. Talked to my older daughters as they got ready for school. Felt queasy from the cereal. Kissed my two little ones good morning and snuggled with them. Kissed my older ones goodbye and my husband goodbye. Turned on the tv and let the little ones play while I dozed on the sofa for an hour. Got up, got dressed, made the kids brush their teeth, brushed mine. Did homeschool with my son. Now I'm going to make lunch. After lunch I'm homeschooling my daughter. Then we'll have some playtime/decorate the house for Christmas. At 4:30 I have to take my son to piano class. Then come home and make dinner. Eat dinner with everybody, hear a complaint or two about what's for dinner, along with a compliment from someone who likes it. Listen to everybody's stories of the day. After dinner, read or play a game with the kiddos. Get the kiddos something for dessert. Put them to bed. Watch TV with my husband and older daughter--pushing daisies, we recorded it last night. Watch Survivor, and The Office. Go to bed and snuggle with hubby.
Wake up and do it all again the next day.
Oh my God. I was joking. Is this some sort of terrible dream? Please make it stop. I want to change my vote on the "most popular day for suicide" poll to TODAY. The day that we finally came to the point where we are discussing the painfully uninteresting minute-by-minute details of our lives.
Last edited by Uncle Milte's Huge Wanger; 11-29-2007 at 09:55 AM.
Up at 7:05, not even in the shower yet when Booger came into the bathroom insisting that she needed to take a shower too. You're three and you don't need a shower; you took a bath last night! As I was in the shower, she proceeded to strip down and brought her sweats and slippers to get dressed in. Whatever!
At work only about three minutes late today! Looking up insurance claims, checking my e-mail, looking at the ads that came in the mail, listening to Christmas CDs and lurking around my MySpace page and FAD forum. Now I have ten minutes left and I'm still slacking off.
Hubby is off today, so I must "rush" home so he can get a haircut and flu shot. Slacker... we've all had ours already! Then I've been requested to make chili for dinner and I have to hunt down a Jack Frost Yankee Candle for my candle warmer to appease the brat. The 43-year-old one, NOT the three-year-old one!
My life blows.
Ok here's mine.
I got woken up by my boyfriend trying to stick his penis in me at 8am. I let him because, he's going away tomorrow, and will only be sticking in mens bumholes for the next 5 months. [Passed around like currency].
I then got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, with the same toothpaste, no extra zing for me, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
At this point I realised my housemates, Sheridan & Josh, had only got in half an hour previous, and were still absolutely hammered from the party they frequented the night before, Josh was sat on top of the table, for reasons only he knows, and Sheridan was trying to get a drink of water. Being so drunk he was unable to operate a tap correctly, the sink had filled to the brim, and was flowing out onto the kitchen floor. Sheridan, glass in hand, was clinging onto the side of the sink, trying to turn off the tap, whilst doing a Bambi on Ice impression.
I told them to get the fuck out, they went to bed, I was happy. I cleaned the kitchen, and didn't have time to make breakfast so I just ate some crisps and forget about my Bf altogether.
I then collected my books and my car keys and off I toddled to University. The weather was dismal, and it was spitting with rain.
I got to Uni where I was subsequently bored shitless by my lecturer telling me things I already knew, and looking at me funny [because i know about his sexing my classmate], I didn't blackmail him today.
I then spent time at the library, where I successfully avoided the greasy man of asian ethnicity who tries to ask me on a date every week, I then realised I was hungry, so I went to Subway where I enjoyed a Subway Melt, Doritos, A chocolate chip cookie, followed by an oatmeal and raisin one that my friend didn't like, and a large carbonated soft drink. My friend and I then discussed our sex lives in great detail, and came to the conclusion that mine was better than hers.
I then got in my car, resisted the temptation to go for 2 pint fever in the pub, and came home. I banged loudly to ensure my housemates hangovers were aggravated to their potential, came on the forum, opened up my essay, stared at it blankly for 10 minutes or so, and promptly closed it.
I just took 2 paracetamol for my headache, and In around half an hours time, I am going to cook steak for my boyfriend, with peppercorn sauce. Cos I am THE shit when it comes to making steak.
I will update with further information as and when it occurs.
Thanks.
Last edited by SuckMyKiss; 11-29-2007 at 10:15 AM.
Some people just don't understand your humor Milte! I thought it was funny!
Anyway, got up at 5am, hit snooze twice as always. Went to get my usual iced tea, realized I hadn't made any the day before, drank lemonade instead. Fixed my hair, did my makeup, got dressed, kissed th hubby & son goodbye. Drove to work, checked email, read news, got on this forum. I'll probably go get fish tacos for lunch (don't even go there) And later pick up my daughter from BIL's house. She borrowed his truck. Go home make dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Get up and do it all over again. Whew, wasn't that exciting? Tomorrow's blog should be good!
Renowned Death Hag
I find it surprising no one's taken a shit today.
Well, my day (so far - 1000 hours)... Up at 0430 hours, fed my partner his b'fast, handed him his lunch, and saw him off to work...Started a load of wash going. Cleaned the refrigerator (my most unfavorite chore). Sat down and had a glass of crystal light "juice" and read the forum... Decided on the dinner menu for tonight, oven roasted beef, gravy, asparagus with lemon butter, herbed whipped potatoes. Went to the freezer and got the roast out to thaw for dinner. Took the clean clothes out of the washer, and loaded them in the dryer. Started another load going in the washer. Took the dry clothes out of the dryer, folded and put them away. Put second load of laundry in dryer. Reading the forum some more... Next up on the hit parade is strip the bed (always enertaining)...
I think I need to go back to work to get some rest (lol)... (Actually, I could get used to this very easily...)
I'm saving all mine up for later, where I'm gonna dump it in my housemates bathroom and not flush.
monday through friday is the same here unless the kids are on vacation...
i'm up @ 5, shower, grab my coffee and sit on the pc for a while. start shower @ 6 for the 2 boys, when their done i get the 2 girls up for their showers. they get dressed and i blow dry their hair, eat quick and thier out the door to the bus. during this time holly always gets up, but my 3 year old, dylan, always sleeps in.
after the older kids are gone if i got stuff to do, my ma or friend comes over and sits here while i run quick to the store, dr appt. etc etc..
alot of times i scrub through the house right away, i can't sit around, stuff piles up fast here. theres meal planing etc. between playing with the 2 little ones that are here all day, cooking, getting ready for holidays, i also work on the pc for a dr's office. my husband works full time and grabs lots of OT. we live a very comfy life.
i get no child support cause my ex thingy is in & out of jail/prison for tons of drunk driving/hit and runs etc. i feel bad in a way cause i don't want my kids to have that empty feeling of why their dad isn't around, but they have a great stepdad who loves them like their his own.
it takes a great guy to not only marry someone with 1 or 2 kids, but i had 5 and he was still crazy about me!!
if you look at the pic of me on "death hag pics" thats when he first saw me when i was bartending. he said my "big hair" made him melt! lol
gotta love him. he waited for me to wise up and divorce that jerk i was with, and my sister set us up!
Last edited by buddyhollylover; 11-29-2007 at 10:14 AM.
Got up at 5:30 this morning..showered..dragged my son out of bed..got him breakfast..took the dog out to do her business..made a pot of coffee sat down around 6:20 to drink it and catch the news...6:48 made my son's luch..7:15 sent him out the door to meet his friend acoss the street to walk to the bus stop..7:30 first day care kids arrived..got them breakfast..7:40 last of the day care kids arrive..let them play in sunroom till 8:15 when we get ready for the school bus..8:30 school bus arrives..just me and the 3 year old..he plays for a bit..then we go for a walk somewhere around 10:30..11:30 make him lunch..12:00 he takes nap I settle down with my lunch. Pretty average morning.
Senior Death Hag
Woke up late and hungover. Made it to work with one eye open, the other still sleeping. Made strong coffee and sat in front of the computer trying to pry open the closed eye. Listened to boss rant about something I don't remember. Chatted with sister on IM and caught a few extra minutes of sleep while she vented about our other sister putting down her cat who had a pissing problem. Currently doing this post. Waiting for lunch break to take a quick nap before finishing this slow boring ass workday and then will head home and play with my dogs for about 10 minutes and then take a long nap with the hopes of waking up completely sober and perhaps doing something constructive like throwing away a bunch of shit in my house that I don't need anymore so I can get it clean for the holidays. That's about it.
Ok I got up this morning about 6:30 then had to get blood taken for doc (freakin vampires all of them). Got to work listen to my coworker mind numbing stories about her great aunt Ethel and blah blah blah. Came into my office and had to deal taxes and ect. Stared off into the abyss of my life and think to myself I should have married for money and not love. Got on the boards checked my sportbike forum then came here. Once again looked over Miltes thread about getting himself some strange because his wife is carring his spawn of evil and can't provide him with the sexual gratification he thinks he so deserves. Once again shook my head in complete and total disgust at the fact that he is a self righteous, self centered jackass that cares only about his own gratification and not of the fact that his wife is carring the spawn of the devil himself, and look at the cost to her health. But Milte your a funny guy!!!! Thinks about working but why.......for some reason they think I should work for my paycheck. But what the hell I do payroll so I'll get paid no matter what lol. Then I will go home and kiss my husband and say a little prayer thanking god I'm not married to Milte!!!!!
Last edited by Bashterd; 11-29-2007 at 10:49 AM.
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